Judge Judy: Lost in Translation?

Starts off smiling

This is a humorous look at the way the plaintiffs and defendants on Judge Judy (Judge Judy Sheindlin) continually rewrite the English language. I sometimes wonder how she keeps a straight face. I know the English education system is in freefall but this is proof that the American one is just as bad.

Transportation

But I have to give them some kudos for the initiative they show when they don't know a word, creating their own vocabulary on the fly, something that Americans have always excelled at hence burglarise instead of burgle, transportation for transport. Transportation is when we sent convicts to Australia. The words existed but someone didn’t know them so instead of investing in a dictionary, they made up their own which tended to mean making the word longer so I imagine that the next generation might come up with 'transportationalization'. Another good one is we have Worcester sauce but the Americans have Worcestershire sauce.

This strange hybrid tongue often emerges when people try to sound more intelligent than they are in an effort to plead their case articulately and often involves them introducing phrases such as 'At that point', 'I proceeded to', 'basically', etc, sure signs that they're hiding something. I think I've said this before but the opposite of the desired effect almost always results. Judy unlike the judge in the Pistorius trial, Judge Thokozile Masipa, sees through lies, prevarications and exaggerated attention to unnecessary details immediately, catching the defendants/plaintiffs in a lie as soon as they open their mouths.

Gratuitous image of Louis

Like the writers of Versailles (beautifully made but the would-be portentous dialogue lets it down) and Jessie Burton's various felonies in The Miniaturist, they are guilty of common assault on the English language.

Here are some examples that made me chuckle. 

Someone is in trouble … 'due to failure not to pay'. If you failed not to pay, you paid. It's a bit like when a friend of mine apologised for her daughter by saying 'she's very bad at being late', which she failed to see meant that she was usually on time.

'Careful now'

'He said he was commandating my vehicle. 'Commandeering is the word they're searching for.

'He sent messages sexually expliciting me.' Not sure here. I’ve never been sexually explicited in a message or anywhere else.

'The dog was malnutritioned.' Ok I can see how they got to this but the word is malnourished.

Officer Byrd
keeps his own counsel

'My probation was revocated.' Or even revoked.

'She used a bunch of profound words.' Going by his speech, I doubt it but there’s no crime in that, however unusual it might be in his milieu. He meant profane.

'My dog needed to be feeded.' It rhymes at least but in English we say fed.

'Because I’d been in a domestic situation myself.' We’ve all been in domestic situations. Having a cup of tea in the kitchen is a domestic situation. It’s evident that some people think ‘domestic’ means violent. Hence: 'He domestically assaulted me.'

What? Hit you with an oven glove? 

Judy asks one woman why she moved out and is told: 'Several abusive mentally domestic disputes.' Huh? 

A man says 'She implicated every inch of my life.' What?

'He’s a compulsory liar.' That means he's forced to lie. They mean compulsive, he can't help lying.

'I was the benefactor of the annuity'. Beneficiary is what they meant but well done for getting annuity right!

Horrified

'He works with his father, carpenting.' That's 'in carpentry' to the rest of us.

I'm amused that when asked who they live with, they often reply: 'With myself.'

'She read my text messages and found them appropriate'.So what's the problem? He meant inappropriate.

Often they've said something that makes sense but is evidently not what they meant: 'I asked her to use her car', which implies he told her to use her car not what he meant, which was: 'I asked her if I could use her car'.

A girl, asked why she was in trouble with the police: 'I got an under the influence … pretty much that I was in public'.

Now a few translations of the 'new' words that'll help you to decode the language and enjoy Judge Judy.

An agreeance is an agreement. They've broughten (brought) their paperwork or boughten (bought) a ring. People frequently conversate with others. We would say converse but to them, this is a brand of sneakers ('trainers' to you and I, a word that cracks Americans up). Occasionally someone suffers from hystericalness. That's hysteria to you and me. Reminds me of Peter Andre's version of insanity, insania. Sentences often start Otherly. Your guess is as good as mine. Some people use their physicalness rather than their physicality. And something might have been tooken (taken).

Curious odds and ends:

'She's become not the person I brought up.'

'I believe in hair extensions.' Well it's nice to believe in something I suppose. 

And how’s this for an understatement? 'He bit my roommate’s ear off. It just didn’t work out.'

Pretty angry

Anyway, this type of assault on English is not restricted to Judge Judy but occurs in many other contexts. Here are a few of my favourites.

'We did not say them anything.' Huh? 

As evidence that the world is now full of snowflakes these days. One man whines:  'They were yelling obscene things like "Stop crying, you crybaby"'. I'm not sure in what universe, crybaby would be considered an obscenity.

A shopworker had to leave his retail job because of abuse. Asked what kind of things people said to him, he replies: 'Why is it taking so long?' 'Why's it so slow?' That's not abuse, mate! That's a reasonable question.

Late contender: priorly. Judy picks up on this: 'Priorly is not a word, sir'.

For more on language in different contexts, see my blog on the words the Ramseys use when talking about the murder of their daughter, JonBenet. Or those used by Oscar Pistorius in his trial for the murder of Reeva Steenkamp. But always #rememberthevictims.

For failed attempts to be clever, please see Do You Speak Olde Worlde? Versailles, and The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton.